Share your Candle

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

Have you ever been sitting at home in the evening, reading a book or otherwise relaxing, when the power suddenly went out?

This is a pretty common experience. I would expect that you and most of the people you know have had just such a thing happen. And, once it does, the first thing you want to do is find all the candles in your home and light them so you can see what you’re doing.

Think of just how dark the night is without electricity. There’s no light to come in the windows because the street lamps are typically off.

It’s dark and that can sometimes be disorienting, if not downright scary.

Now think about that first candle. When you light it, the room brightens up a little bit, but not much. A single candle can’t usually put off the same light your bedside lamp or kitchen fluorescent lights can put off.

But what happens when you add additional candles? Well, obviously, the intensity and amount of light increases. Depending on where you put the candles around the room, the light can seem to grow exponentially, too.

But what if you had a candle but no way to light it?

Regardless of how many candles you had, with no way to light them, you would stay in the dark until the electricity came back on or the sun rose the next morning.

So many people today are sitting in the dark. They have candles but don’t have the means to light them.

They may be in the dark in a spiritual sense. They may be in the dark economically, educationally, or in some other way. They are lacking something you have – something vital that would make a difference in their lives. The problem is, you may not know about them because – well – because they’re in the dark it’s hard to see them.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

Find someone who needs your light and help them light their candle.

Teach them how to light their own candle in the future, but for now, share your light with them.

Don’t let them sit in the dark where they may be scared, frustrated and lonely. Help them. Befriend them. Listen to them and love them.

Be their light.

Thank you for reading today’s challenge. Thank you also for being willing to share it with others. I appreciate you – and the light you are willing to share with others.

Thank you especially for always remembering that Service is The Action Form of Love.

James

Uplift

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

Lately it seems like the news we read and hear is pretty bad. I guess it’s always been that way, but the headlines are hitting home in ways many of us have never before experienced.

There are wars and rumors of wars. Economic hardships. We’re all trying to cut back while at the same time wondering how we are going to survive. Its driving us crazy. So many people find themselves slipping from discouragement into depression.

So, here’s your challenge today:

Find someone who needs uplifting. Talk to them. Help them talk about their fears. Help them get it out into the open. You don’t have to give concrete answers – you may not have answers yourself. But be there and be a shoulder to cry on – a friend to listen.

That’s all there is to it!

I know you can do it, and I appreciate you coming to read today’s post.

I also appreciate you passing it on to others. Together, we’re teaching the world that Service is The Action Form of Love.

James

The Importance of Touch

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

I’ve blogged a lot recently about my dearly departed mama. I’m sorry if I’m boring you, but there have been some great lessons of love and service I’ve been able to glean from her life – and from her death.

I ask your forgiveness for yet another post about her.

My siblings and I were recently talking about mama and what we miss most about her. There seemed to be one overarching theme for us all. We miss her touch. We miss her kisses, her hugs and just laying our heads in her lap while she stroked the hair out of our eyes. While we know she is with us in spirit – and that’s such a comforting knowledge – it’s the tangible things we miss. The things we can’t currently have with her.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

Touch someone.

If you have a mom or dad, a brother or sister, children or a child, take time today to embrace them. Hold their hand. Stroke the hair out of their eyes. Words may not be necessary, although you certainly may tell them you love them. But at least touch them in a way that they’ll remember when they can’t feel you anymore.

That’s all there is to it.

Thank you for reading today’s post. I appreciate you. Thank you also for being willing to share my words, whether by retweeting, forwarding or linking to my blog.

And, as always, thank you for remembering that Service is The Action Form of Love

James

Family Bonds

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

There doesn’t seem to be much that is positive about a loved one passing away. It’s really difficult to find the silver lining around that particular cloud.

Mama, the gentlewoman who carried, bore, raised and loved me for 45 years passed away just under 5 months ago.

During the week the family crowded into (and more or less took over) the ICU waiting room, I don’t think any of us were seeing anything but the dark clouds. As I look back on that time, however, I can finally see a glimmer of something positive. I had a full week with all my brothers and sisters and father – and a full week to reassure mama that I loved her and I knew she loved me, too.

Somehow, the death of a loved one can bring families and friends together like no other occasion. It’s strange how easily hatchets can be buried, arguments forgotten, debts forgiven. The bonding (or re-bonding as the case may be) is one that is powerful and seems so strong that it will never again break.

So it is with our family.

We had a trial run at survivorship when mama’s middle child, Mark passed away in December, 2005. As another brother reminded us, we were in uncharted territory. Other than grandparents, this was the first death to strike so close to our homes and hearts. We were taken unawares and uprepared.

There were parallels in the final days of Mark and mama. Both spent time in the ICU, though at different hospitals. Both had the whole family at the hospital for their final farewells.

Both brought the rest of us a resolve to stay connected through phone calls, email and personal visits. Both slipped peacefully away as easily and simply as stepping out of their bodies and walking through the veil.

Both knew they were loved.

After Mark passed, we siblings determined to maintain our new focus on the family. We were determined to not let life and work creep back in again and interfere with what meant most to us. We resolved to stay in touch, no matter what.

I can’t say we failed, but I think we can all admit we didn’t stay as connected as we would have liked.

In the early days of 2006, we called each other once a week, if not once a day. We constantly sent text messages of love and support, asking how the others were feeling and handling things. We’ve always loved each other, but it seemed we were much more willing to show our love in more concrete ways.

But, as it has a way of doing, life did indeed creep back in. The messages of support became more rare, and we relied on family get-together’s like Christmas, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day to bring us together.

And then, mama got sick.

I had become immersed in my job and career and was at work one afternoon when I noticed my phone was vibrating a lot more than usual. I finally took a break and saw that my siblings had been trying to reach me for a few hours. I contacted one of them and learned that mama had gone into the hospital, thinking she’d had a heart attack.

By the next night, she was in the ICU, but her heart was fine. She had managed to aspirate something and was failing swallow tests. Her condition from then on would bounce from good to bad to worse to teetering on the edge between going home and going Home.

I admit, I was selfish.

When I learned mama was in the hospital with the heart attack symptoms, I told my siblings I would come up “if they needed me to”. Mama had been in the hospital countless times in her later years, and I guess I presumed this was another case where they’d treat her and send her home.

I was truly humbled the next morning when I arrived at the ICU and saw my family holding vigil in the waiting room.

Less than a week later, mama indicated to us that she was ready to go. We had brought in a miniature white board and marker, set it on her lap, and let her hands tell us what she couldn’t tell us with the respirator on. The messages she wrote in her beautiful shaky handwriting told us that her story was nearing an end.

She wrote things like:

“I’ve been miserable for so long.”

“Make sure he (dad) isn’t sad.”

“I’m tired.”

“I’m dead.”

The day before she died, we siblings were all downstairs in the hospital cafeteria, eating lunch. A niece of mine came down with a message from mama. “Finish your lunch, then come up, have a family prayer, then shut the door and let me die.”

We accommodated mama’s wishes. When we got that message, we couldn’t finish our lunch anyway.

Surrounding her bed, we watched in agony as mama struggled to breathe even with the help of a BiPap machine. Her eyes were open, glistening and aware as we sang “I Am a Child of God.” We then said our final goodbyes, and left the room.

The next day, life support was removed, and she was gone far quicker than any of us expected her to go. We know she lives on, even today, because of our faith, but also because of what we’ve seen and sensed in the intervening months.

So, why am I rambling about the loss of my mama? Well, I’m not, really.

This is about the loss of family connection. The feeling of a loss of bonds that were forged in the face of losing Mark and mama.

I foolishly presumed mama would come out of the hospital, just as she always had, sitting in the passenger seat of dad’s old station wagon. I foolishly thought she would be around forever.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

Don’t be foolish.

Pick up the phone and call your mom, your dad, a favorite aunt or uncle. Call a sibling your child your grandparent, a friend.

Call just to see how they’re doing.

Call just to tell them the words we all long to hear.

Call just to say “I love you.”

Thank you for reading today’s challenge. Thank you for being willing to accept and perform small and simple acts of service for others. You are making a difference in the lives of others.

Thank you for remembering that Service is The Action Form of Love.

James

Leave a Good Impression

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

Today’s challenge is so simple (though maybe not easy) it won’t take you very long at all to read it.

Here’s your challenge:

Make someone feel better about having met you today. Leave an impression. A good one.

It could be a stranger, a family member, a coworker, even. Just make them feel better for having interacted with you. Leave them feeling better about themselves.

That’s it!

Can you do it?

Of course you can!

Thanks for taking today’s challenge! Thanks for being willing to share it with others. And thank you for being mindful that Service is The Action Form of Love.

James

H1N1 - 3 Ways to help

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love

It’s Friday.

Many of us are worn out - not just from working, but also from the spreading news of the current H1N1 Flu scare (I’ve stopped calling it that “other” flu name because eating pork is not dangerous, according to the CDC).
So, since we all need a break, I’ve decided to make this a very small and simple challenge:

In light of the H1N1 Flu scare, here are three simple things you can do to serve others:

1. Don’t panic. Like a lit match in the dry weeds, panic spreads pretty quickly. Don’t post or spread rumors or theories. Stick with the facts.
2. Be realistic. I’ve heard a lot of people blaming everything from the government of the United States to illegal aliens for the current situation. It’s important to note that it would be wholly counterproductive for the US Government to do such a thing, and nearly every case of the flu I’ve heard of outside of Mexico was spread by non Mexicans who went there and brought it back.
3. Be kind. You’re going to encounter innuendo, rumors and divisiveness. Don’t ague. Walk away. Let it go (as hard as that is).

That’s it! Three simple ways to deal with the situation while helping others.

Thank you so much for being willing to read my blog post today. Go make a difference, and pass this on if you find it helpful.

And remember, Service is the Action Form of Love

James

Caring

Welcome to Service – The Action Form of Love.

Here we are on another Monday.

Many of us spend the morning rushing to get ready for school or work or to stay home and take care of the home. We have doctor appointments, haircuts, got to get the kids off to school.

In short, Monday is often our most hectic day of the week.

So, since neither of us has a lot of time to spend here, I’m putting today’s small and simple service challenge right here:

Today, care.

We ask so much from so many. Even our prayers can sound like a pizza delivery order, telling God what we want and need, but not bothering to thank Him for all He’s done. We just place the order, and hang up the phone and… wait.

Today, find someone you ask a lot of. It could be an assistant, it could be someone in your family or religious organization.

Then, when you’ve identified them, shock them.

Ask what you can do for them. Wait for their response. Let them know you’re serious.

And then, of course, help them.

That’s all there is to it!

Please feel free to share this however you can.

Oh, and if there’s something I can do for you, please let me know.

Remember, Service is the Action Form of Love.

James

Best of Service - The Action Form of Love

It’s Thursday – one more day til we can relax and enjoy the weekend.

I have a lot of new people reading my blog now, so I thought that today, instead of posting a service challenge, I would link to some of my old favorites – a “Best of Service – The Action Form of Love” if you will.

So, without further introduction, here are my favorite five:

Judging (Posted December 1, 2008) http://serviceafol.blogspot.com/2008/12/judging.html

Lambs Don’t Roar (Posted November 19, 2008) http://serviceafol.blogspot.com/2008/11/lambs-dont-roar.html

Pro Bono (Posted November 12, 2008) http://serviceafol.blogspot.com/2008/11/pro-bono.html

Doing the Math (Posted October 30, 2008) http://serviceafol.blogspot.com/2008/10/doing-math.html

I hope you enjoy these favorite five posts –

Please feel free to stumble, retweet, forward or email any of the service challenges.

I appreciate you!

James

Mid Week Service Challenge

Welcome to Service - The Action Form of Love

It’s Wednesday. For many of us, it’s hump day, the middle of the week. We’ve put Monday and Tuesday behind us and have only Thursday and Friday before we can get away from our jobs and spend some quality time with family and friends.

We can look forward to the weekend with the assurance of having an enjoyable time with our loved ones, relax, and recharge our batteries for the next work week.
For others, however, the coming weekend means something entirely different.

For many, the weekend means two days of being alone, with nobody to socialize with. For them, it’s just two empty days full of wishes for friends and family to spend time with.

Can you imagine what that’s like?

I can.

Before I found my lovely wife, I was a real loner. The weekend for me meant taking the train downtown an sitting by myself in a huge booth at the coffee shop. I’d often bring a book to escape from my dull life and vicariously live through the characters of whichever novel I happened to be reading at the time.

Now, I’m the first to admit that sometimes, this sort of weekend would be a dream come true. We have responsibilities to family and faith on the weekends. We have to take care of the home, get the shopping done, and all else that goes into preparing for another week ahead.

But I think if we really took a good look at the weekend-in-café scenario, we’d have to admit that such a break from our responsibilities would get old after awhile. We might truly enjoy taking that break for one weekend, but to be honest, it would get old quickly if we did it week after week after week.

It would especially get boring and dull if our only option was to do that or stay home and stare at the walls or the computer monitor.

Loneliness is such a terrible feeling.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

Find someone who has no close family or friends, get to know them, and invite them to do something with you this weekend.

You might invite them to lunch. You could ask them if they’d like to join you for worship services. You could even get several of you together and go bowling, golfing, or even a picnic in the park.

You’re creative. You know what you like to do. But, be sure and ask for their input, too. The idea here isn’t to force someone into a situation where they’d rather go home and be alone than to spend the day doing something you enjoy but they don’t.

Ask what sports they’re into, what types of movies they like. Try and get them to open up to you and follow their lead.

And, if you don’t have money to spend, there are lots of free or very inexpensive things you can do together.

You can invite them to your home for a Saturday brunch or a Sunday dinner. You can take a drive or ride a train or a walk along a river or beach.

Your options are limited only by your sense of creativity and your common interests.

And, who knows? Maybe you’ll both get along so well that you will want to spend more time with each other.

So, you know the challenge, now go and do.

I so appreciate your willingness to read today’s challenge and, even more so, your willingness to help someone feel wanted, needed, cared for and loved. We all know deep down inside that we would be miserable without a friend.

Go be a friend.

Please feel free to share this with someone else today. Feel free to Stumble it, Digg it, tweet it and post it on your Facebook or MySpace or other networking page. Share this with your Rabbi, your minister your coworker, your sister. Email it to your mom, to your best friend or to your brother.

You’re getting the word out, and people are starting to notice that Service is the Action Form of Love.

James

Service Saturday

Its Saturday and today's challenge really is small and simple.

Log off, get out and spend 30 minutes just helping one person.

It doesn't really matter what you do or who you serve today - but do it.

Thank you, as always, for being willing to read my blog and serving others.

Remember, Service is the Action Form of Love. Pass it on.

James

jameswhofheins@yahoo.com

Life in the Slow Lane

Welcome to Tuesday!

Many of the service ideas I blog about are from personal experience or from the experiences of those I’m close to – like family members.

Today’s is sort of a hybrid – it comes from my own recent experience as well as from experiences I saw from my dear late mama.

In her later years, mama couldn’t get around very easily. In medical terms, she was barely ambulatory. She required the use of a walker just to get from her bed to the living room and back. Stairs were usually not an option. If you were to be following behind her, you’d notice just how slowly and carefully she had to go just to get to her destination in safety.

Recently, I learned that the source of my tailbone and lower back pain is a bulging disc (between L4 and L5, according to the MRI). Because of this, I have had to slow down quite a bit. I’m not to the point where I need a walker, but I sure don’t move now like I did when I was a teenager! Sometimes, it just hurts to move about.

Why am I telling you this? Because I’ve seen the looks, heard the comments of people who get backed up behind me in public places. From what I see and hear from them, it appears they think I’m just old or that I’m some sort of tourist who would rather dilly dally than get moving and get out of the way.

I try not to let it hurt my feelings, and for the most part, I have thick skin.

But others don’t.

People who are in a hurry often don’t realize their comments or impatient glances are heard or seen. We live in a world where we post everything about our lives and so, I suppose, we think that real-time communication should be accepted as much as a Facebook status update or a Twitter tweet.

Unfortunately, in real life, in face-to-face communication, our words and actions aren’t always taken as a mere update about our lives. Our words and actions can really hurt people’s feelings. Just as troubling, an inadvertent shove to get someone moving faster could cause real and serious pain and injury, too.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

Be patient with someone today.

If you see someone moving too slowly for your tastes, realize there may be a valid reason for it. Be patient, wait for an opportunity to move ahead of them when its safe, and excuse yourself as you pass.

Better yet, if you have an extra moment or two, smile and ask if there’s anything you can do to help them.

Are they carrying something that looks heavy?

Are they struggling with a heavy door?

Why not take a few moments out of your busy day and open it for them? Why not ask if they need help carrying their heavy load?

One of the reasons we’re here on our mortal missions, I believe, is to help one another with the burdens we carry. You have an opportunity to do that today and to make a real and positive difference in the life of someone who is struggling.

Can you do it?

Of course you can.

Will you do it?

I hope you will.

Be patient today.

Be kind always.

Thank you for reading today’s post. As always, I encourage you to share this in whatever manner you can. Feel free to forward it, retweet it, post it on Facebook, Digg it, Stumble it… just get the word out.

You can make a difference my friend.

And, as always, please remember that Service is the Action form of Love.

James

Odd Man In

Welcome to Thursday.

I’ve been reading some of mama’s old journals, and one or two of them are from when I was a teenager in high school. Thinking back to that time of my life, I can’t believe how much angst I seemed to have. But, now that I have a daughter who is 15, I remember that those feelings of isolation, depression and alienation from the “cool kids” was a very real feeling to me.

Fortunately, I’ve been able to grow out of those feelings and I don’t care nearly as much about what people think of me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have feelings and I love to be included. I think we all feel a little slighted when we’re not included, but for most of us, I think, the feelings aren’t as intense as they might have been when we were teenagers.

Still, no matter how old I get, I still cringe when I see someone at any age being treated as an outsider by those who still think of themselves as the “cool kids”. I really feel for them. Unfortunately, there are some adults who don’t seem to have been able to grow out of the cliquish stage. It’s something we see a lot of, if we just open our eyes and look around.

We see co-workers passing out party invitations to everyone they like, but ignoring others. We see people backbiting and gossiping about the “strange one” behind their back. We see everyone in the group invited out to lunch, except for one or two that just don’t seem to fit in.

This blog post was formulated earlier today when I noticed my wife reach out and start a conversation with someone at work who the rest of us were ignoring. We didn’t know him, he was different from the rest of us, and, well… that’s about all the excuses I’ll offer. We didn’t include him.

But she did.

She asked how he was doing, how he liked his job. She gently and kindly drew him into our conversation without making him feel awkward about it.

For the record, I’ve seen her do this a lot, and she’s really good about it. She has a sensitivity, a radar, if you will, about finding the odd-person-out and including them.

So, here’s your challenge for today (it’s mine, too!):

Be inclusive.

When you see someone who doesn’t exactly fit in to your “crowd”, make your crowd flexible enough to fit the person.

It could be someone who ordinarily annoys you. They may dress differently. They may have a strange accent. They may smoke or talk loudly or… well… you get the idea, don’t you?

Be sensitive to their feelings. If you’re going to do something as a group, see if you can persuade the others in your group to let them come along. Find a reason to like the person, and be kind to them.

That’s all there is to it. It’s not easy. You’ll likely find yourself outside your comfort zone. But, you can do it. I know you can.

Thank you for reading today’s post. I really appreciate you including my blog into your busy day.

Thank you also for being willing to repost, forward, retweet or otherwise passing it on. Kindness begets kindness and it will come back to you in unexpected ways.

Service is the Action Form of Love.

James

Social Media and Service

Welcome back to my blog!

As you may know, I’m into social media – I have a twitter account, a facebook account and my wife and I met on a social media site in 2003. I love social media! There can be so much good done in the world, and though social media isn’t the only way to accomplish good things, it’s certainly an important component about getting good and positive messages out.

But, like any invention, from the discovery of fire to everything created after that, it can be used to do good or to accomplish evil purposes. Fire can be used to either warm your family or to burn down the neighbor’s home.

I’m sure we’ve all read the news accounts where people with apparently nothing better to do, use their myspace, facebook and other social media pages to trash-talk others. Teenagers are especially prone to this, possibly because this is there technology. Us older folks aren’t immune, however, and we tend to do the same thing from time to time.

So, here’s today’s challenge:

If you have an account on a social media site, find one of your connected friends and send them a positive message. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Remind them of something they’ve recently done that inspired you or helped you or taught you.

If you see something negative posted about someone else, no matter how well-deserved you think that criticism is, simply ignore it. Refuse to comment on it or pass it on.

I know you can do this.

You come to my blog to learn ways to be a better person, to learn how to serve others in small and simple ways. For that, I greatly appreciate you, and I encourage you to continue using social media for good.

Thanks for reading today! Feel free to pass this on, to forward it, to retweet it and to repost it wherever you like.

And remember, Service is the Action Form of Love.

James

Encouragement

I got a call from my dad the other night.

The fact that he called isn’t unusual, but I must admit, I was surprised by why he called.

I’ve been working on my fifth book, tentatively titled “Whispers of Home”. It’s a novel about a girl named Emily, who leaves the comfort and peace of the Spirit World to come to mortality. Her life here, by comparison, at least, is chaotic and unpredictable.

Throughout the story, Emily has a few noteworthy encounters with her guardian spirit, Rosemary. And, at those times when Emily can’t see her, we know that Rosemary is always there, in some manner, to guide, strengthen, warn and help. On many occasions, Rosemary whispers encouragement and advice to the young Emily, thus, the title.

I wasn’t sure how my dad would react to reading about guiding spirits and life’s interactions from one side of the veil to the other, because his wife of six decades just passed away two months ago. I didn’t know if he would find the story encouraging, or if he would feel that it was too soon to think about such events, because of the raw emotions that come with sudden widowhood.

But, I took a chance.

This past Sunday, I took my little flash drive to his house and downloaded what I had so far written of the story. I put it on his desktop so he could read it when he felt ready to.

And, tonight, he called for the sole purpose of telling me how much he enjoyed it, and how happy the story had made him. In fact, when he first called, I asked how he was, and he answered with “I’m better now.” When I asked what he meant, he said that he felt better for having read only the first five chapters of my story.

I was taken by surprise. I mean, I would never think my dad would say anything negative either about me or my creative work, but to call simply to tell me my writing made him happy? To call just to encourage me in this particular work?

It was a call I’ll never forget.

My dad has always been one to encourage, and that’s one of the reasons he’s my hero. I remember all through my growing-up years, dad would always find something to tell me that would encourage me. If I wasn’t doing so well in school, he would encourage me to do better. If I was doing particularly well at something, he would encourage me to continue. Never did my father make me feel like I was a failure.
He always, always encouraged me.

So, here’s your challenge for today:

Think about the people in your life. Don’t just focus on those who guest star in your own movie of life, think about the bit players and the extras, too.

Of those, who do you know that could use your encouragement?

Remember, to be effective, memorable and meaningful, service doesn’t have to be a large, cumbersome or time-consuming project. Small and simple service acts have great meaning to the recipient.

Think about your own interactions with those who have encouraged you. Did they have to call you up on stage and give you an award in front of hundreds of people? Did they have to announce your name in the news or over the radio? Sure, those are nice things, but I bet if you searched your memory, you can think of times when you received encouragement from someone who took the time to call you up, or mail you a thank you note, or even sent you a short email.

You can do it, too.

Think of someone and encourage them.

Pick up the phone and call them.

Write and mail a nice thank you card.

Send them a short email.

Make it personal and make it real. Don’t fabricate something, for, in the end, you both lose when you’re insincere.

Thank them for something they’ve done well, and encourage them to continue.
Recognize their efforts for something they may struggle with, and encourage them to keep at it.

Offer to help if you have the time and ability, or offer to point them to the help they need if it’s something you can’t help them with.

But, whatever you do, do it.

Do it today.

Find someone to encourage, and then encourage them.

Let them know you care.

Just do it.
Thank you for reading my post today. It makes me feel good knowing I can help you make a positive impact on someone else’s day – on someone else’s life.

Please pass it on. Stumble this, paste it into an email and send it to a friend or two (please don’t spam). Retweet. Repost. Share.

But most of all, please keep coming back.

And remember, Service is the Action Form of Love.

James

Good Gossip, Bad Gossip

Welcome back. Its good to see you again.

I apologize for my sudden absence from my blog - late last year, there was so much going on in my life, I needed to take a hiatus and just get things settled.

I'm still trying to post every day, but anniversary days like today (mama passed away 2 months ago today), and with everyday life, I just can't seem to get back into it. I promise, I'm trying.

One of the things that happened was my dear mama got sick and ended up in the ICU of a local hospital. She passed away on January 16, 2009. For a week, our family essentially took over the ICU waiting room (on one typical day, I counted 32 of us there).

This time was both a very sad time and a very good and spiritual time. Not only did we as her children, husband, grandchildren and others have time to see one another on a daily basis, we also had many opportunities to tell mama of our love and to assure her that we would be fine if she needed to return Home.

We shared a lot of stories in that waiting room, and one constant story that was told over and over was mom’s refusal to pass on bad gossip.

I suppose you may be wondering if there really is such a thing as good gossip.

There is.

Whenever mama heard something nice about someone, she always made a point to pick up the phone and tell the person what so-and-so said about them. But, if she heard something bad about someone, she kept it completely to herself.

What an example I have to live up to!

So, here’s today’s challenge - which is actually a few challenges rolled into one. You can pick one, do all or just some of them:

First, make a point to find the good in somebody you know who really needs an encouraging word. This might be a co-worker, a friend or even the bus or cab driver. Find something about them to praise, and then just say it.

It’s not hard, it’s a small and simple way to brighten someone else’s day, and the impact on them could be just what they need to make it through a rough day.

Second, if someone comes to you with something negative to say about someone else, refuse to listen or pass it on. Tell that person of a nice quality about the object of the gossip, and let them know you appreciate the other person.

Third and final, if you hear gossip about yourself, remind yourself that you are a child of God, a true and literal son or daughter of diety. Rather than becoming immediately defensive about what you’ve heard, think of one of your best qualities. Write it down and remind yourself of that quality throughout your day.

As I’ve learned (and am continuing to learn) from mama, service doesn’t have to be an arduous, painful or time consuming process. It really can be small and simple, take little time and have a great and lasting impact on the lives of others.

Remember, Service is the Action Form of Love.

Civility

We often read in the news about just how different and diverse our world is becoming. Because of inventions like the Internet, we’re learning more and more about people all over the world, in real time, as if they were our next door neighbors.

But, at the same time we’re learning about our differences, sometimes we’re letting those differences be barriers to our commonality. Rather than be the work-together village we once were, in too many instances we’re becoming a slum town where we stick together with those who believe as we do and form gangs to tear down others who believe differently.

We’ve become a world of red states vs. blue states. We have straights vs. gays. Black against white against Hispanic against… well, you get the picture. No one group seems to be able to avoid the fray.

Where will this lead? It’s already taken us through the courts and into wars. Where the Vietnam War became a living room war a few decades ago, we now get to watch the likes of Judge Judy, Divorce Court and even American Idol where civility toward one another seems to be the exception rather than the rule.

We love to tear down others who are different from us. Rather than step out of our homes and talk about our common interests, we pull our cars into our attached garages, turn on the radio host who attacks our differences and polarizes us, and then get on the Internet to lambaste others who don’t look, speak, think or act like we do.

We shun anything and anyone that could help us find common ground.

So, I’m betting you can guess what today’s challenge is, can’t you?

For today, be nice. Be civil. When you can’t find common ground in beliefs, find it in other areas.

Do you both have children? Grandchildren? Do you have a common interest in music? Books? Movies? Can you steer the conversation away from religion, politics, race or whatever comes between you and instead talk about something you share?

Build a bridge. Smile. You don’t have to believe the way someone else does, but you can accept someone else as a fellow child of God, a co-resident of this big, beautiful world we live in.

We don’t have to do it all, but we should do what we can, even if only for today.

Thank you for taking today’s challenge. I hope you find peace and harmony in your life and in your relationships. I hope you find small and simple service worthwhile and meaningful.

Remember, Service is the Action Form of Love.

Uptate - 30 Minute Service Challenge

First of all, let me say “thank you”. Just by being willing to consider accepting and following through with this challenge, you’ve shown a desire to do something worthwhile for no gain to yourself, except for the good feelings of helping someone else.

I appreciate you!

Second, I realize most of us aren’t celebrities, but we all have a certain “circle of influence” with others. We have friends, family members, coworkers. People we communicate and network with on a regular basis. I’d like to ask you to pass on this challenge and get the word out however you can. The more people who know about it, the more people can participate in it.

And the more people who participate in it, the more people being served.

One of my favorite books is called “The Message”, by Lance Richardson. The author died and came back to his mortal life a changed man. Before coming back, he had the opportunity to visit Paradise, or the Spirit World. While he was there, he learned one very central and fundamental lesson:

Service is the Action Form of Love

If each one of us who accept this challenge can serve just one person for 30 minutes, think what an impact we can make on our own community. Remember, the date for the 30 Minute Service Challenge is on Saturday, March 14, 2009.

Alone, neither you nor I can change the world.

But one by one by one, we can make a difference.

Are you up for the challenge?

James

30 Minute Service Project

30 Minute Service Challenge

I’d like to tell you about an idea - then I’d like your help passing it along.

The idea is this - on the second Saturday of every month, block out just 30 minutes (minimum) of your busy schedule to serve someone else.

I think many of us have the idea that in order to serve others in meaningful ways, we have to find a complicated, time consuming service project to work on. We think of all the problems we and others face in the world - poverty, hunger, war, etc., and the task seems daunting. We feel that as individuals, anything we do would be ineffective at best.

In reality, like a pebble tossed into the calm waters of a pond, our actions for good can spread out the breadth and length of the world. Our good deeds can radiate from one person to the next in our individual towns, cities and villages and keep radiating outward until many people have been touched.

Truly, service to others can be accomplished in small and simple ways, yet be unbelievably meaningful to the people we serve, as well as to their family and friends.

So, here’s the challenge.

Beginning Saturday, March 14th, block out at least 30 minutes of your day. Put it on your calendar. Set a reminder for yourself for the day before. Tell your friends and family and invite them to join you.

Then, find someone to serve.

Pretty simple, isn’t it?

But, you may be asking, how can I serve others for 30 minutes? What can I do to help?

Here are some ideas:

• Get a trash bag from your kitchen and take a walk. As you walk, pick up trash along the way. You can even drive out to your local park or cemetery and clean up there if you’d like.
• Find someone who needs to talk and listen to them. Really focus and hear what they have to say. You don’t have to offer feedback (unless they ask you to). Just be there for them.
• Share your skills. Do you have a talent or a skill that could help others? Share it for free. Do you write resumes or fix cars? Are you good at landscaping? Masonry? Use your skills for at least 30 minutes to help someone who can use your particular skill or talent.
• Do you know of someone in the hospital or who has experienced a recent loss of a loved one? Go spend some time with them. Visit them with no agenda in mind other than to see how they’re doing and let them know through your actions and words that you care. See if there’s anything they’d like you to do. Offer to run to the store for them. Ask if they need meals or a car wash. Then do it.

I think you get the idea. The ideas are endless and in almost every case, will cost you nothing but a little of your time and attention. And remember that the 30 minute time frame is a minimum, not an absolute. If you can devote more time to serving, by all means, please do.

Other than the challenge itself, the only thing I would ask of you is this:



If you have service ideas, I'd like to hear about them. Also, if once your service is complete, I'd love to hear about those, too. Your experience could really help others serve. And finally, pass it on.

You have my permission to cut and paste this document into a new note or email, print it and hand it out… whatever. This isn’t about acclaim or fame. It’s all about serving others.

Let’s do it!

James

Standing By

Welcome back to my blog. It's so good to see you again!

I'd like to apologize in advance if some of my blog posts seem to dwell on the thoughts I have in the recent passing of my mama. She's been on my mind a lot, as have the people who loved her and spent time with her at the hospital last month.

One of those people, of course, is my dad.

Mom and dad were married almost 62 years at the time of her passing. They would have celebrated their 62nd wedding anniversary in the autumn of this year. Dad hung on to the hope that she would make it through the illness that landed her in the hospital, but it just wasn't the way things turned out.

Yet, even in the face of losing his sweet companion, he never left mama's side.

On many ocassions during the week mama spent in the Intensive Care Unit, one of us kids would go into her room and find dad hunched over the bed, her limp hand in his strong but gentle grasp. He would stand that way for hours on end.

We'd try to get him to take a break and go to the cafeteria for some nourishment, but he declined. Instead, he'd ask one of us to bring him a muffin or a drink to keep him going. We nearly had to beg him to go home at night so he could sleep and regain his strength for another day of standing at mama's bedside, holding her hand.

He knew she wasn't going to get better.

He knew she wasn't going to go home with him.

He knew he couldn't save her life.

Yet, there he was. Day after day after day, standing by her side.

There's a lesson in here for me, and perhaps for you, too. And that brings up today's challenge:

Stand by.

Do you have a friend, family member or someone else that just needs someone to stand by and hold their hand, either literally or figuratively?

Do you know someone who needs a friend to just stand by and listen to their problems, even if that means only listening and no solving?

Do you have a co-worker who needs someone to stand by them as they face difficult times? Maybe a layoff, reduction in pay, or survivor's guilt after watching others get laid off?

Can you be that person?

Can you be the person standing by to listen, strengthen, uplift and support?

Can you be the one they so desperately need in their corner, even when things seem helpless, hopeless and dark?

Can you?

I think you can.

Look around you - in all your relationships. Be aware of those you work with, live with, socialize with or go to school with. Be aware of the needs of individuals. Be sensitive to those who need you to stand by them.

And when you find that person, you know what to do.

Just stand by.

As always, thank you for reading today's post. I appreciate you. I hope and pray for you to find someone to stand by. Thank you also for sharing my words with others.

Truly, Service is the Action Form of Love.

Lessons from Mama's Passing

Welcome back. Late last year and early this year, life got in the way and I needed to take a leave of absence.

My mama had just turned 79 and one month to the day when she passed away on January 16, 2009.

From this experience, losing someone so incredibly important in my life, I learned some valuable service lessons. For today’s post, I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned.

When dealing with someone grieving and mourning, this is what helped me:

Listen.

I find myself talking about the most random memories of mama. It really helps when someone is willing to just listen.

Share.

If you have memories of the person I’m mourning, I love hearing those memories. This also encourages me to share.

Allow mourning time.

The one comment that shuts me down completely is “get over it”. How can I get over the death of this very special person in a specified period of time? I can’t and I won’t. My mourning will take as long as it takes.

Don’t worry about the “right” thing to say.

In the ICU, at the funeral and later, many people told me they wished they knew what to say. Just the fact that you said that lets me know you care, and it’s a lot more appreciated than saying nothing at all. Though it may not be true, saying nothing can give the appearance that you don’t care.

Be a Peacemaker.

When faced with the passing of a loved one, how sad is it that survivors fight and bicker over material possessions? Be willing to share, find ways to get along and be thoughtful of the others in the situation. Remember, you’re not the only one feeling the loss, and as for material possessions, well, you can’t take it with you.

Thank you for being willing to read today’s post. Thank you for being willing to be kind and thoughtful of others, despite the circumstances. Thank you for being willing to share my words with others by posting, linking, stumbling and forwarding.

Thank you for being you.

And remember, Service is the Action Form of Love